I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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