Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My cat gives me a boner
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
