My friends, they love my intelligence
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
