She is in my trunk
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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