Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
