why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she smelled like a LAN party
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
