I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
