I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
