Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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