i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize