this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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