So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
