I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
