you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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