He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
