Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
