the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
