woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Too much gin, very little bucket
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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