oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
