Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
