things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
