I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
