Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
