and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Still dying that you shit outside
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize