I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
