Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
