im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize