The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
