Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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