the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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