I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
