An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
