it was like his penis was on wheels.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
