I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
