Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
