Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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