she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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