barbara walters just said penis...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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