The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
