Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
