I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
