They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
