I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
