i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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