I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
