It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize