IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
