Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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