remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
