She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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