Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
