so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
