Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
