i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
