I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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