So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
