Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
