literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
