I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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