apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
