Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
