I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We left an ass print on the piano.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
