Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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