if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
