i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
