conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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