he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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