Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
