I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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