i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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