found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
