Will you blow on my dice?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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