all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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