So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
