Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
